Forescore and 7 Years Ago I….

7 years ago today, I got married.

It wasn’t traditional.  In fact, it was anything but.

Jeans.  Sneakers.  A t-shirt.  A Justice of the Peace. And a San Diego Court House.

My family and friends didn’t know.  His family and friends didn’t know.

It was eloping in its highest form.

In fact, while we went to a Ball later that night, no one even knew that we had gotten married that day.

Part of it was thrilling and romantic.  The other part was filled with fear and the shocking realization that I potentially just made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Looking back, I can see so clearly how God was preparing me for all the things that I was about to go through.

I wasn’t walking with the Lord, but His pursuit of my heart was SO evident.

At the time, I thought that marriage would fix everything.

At the time, I thought that marriage would fix everything.

I was a mess, and I thought that unconditional love from one guy would remove all the hurt and brokenness that had taken over my life. It didn’t.

The great part was, God was getting me to a place where HE could fix everything.

God was throwing up every warning, every bat signal, every kind and loving opportunity He could – and I wasn’t willing to listen.  I was determined to do things my way – and find happiness outside of God.

Not even a full year later my marriage crumbled like a house of cards.

I was facing head on my biggest fears.  I mean literally, imagine your biggest fears going into marriage and I was smack dab in the middle of all of them.

At this lowest point in my life, God showed up.

At this lowest point in my life, God showed up.

Before this, I had “tried” the “God thing”.  But the truth was, I didn’t really see HOW having Jesus in my life would make any difference at all.

I mean, you follow a bunch of rules, you limit your fun, you still have to deal with the messes here on earth, and THEN you have to spend eternity surrounded by a bunch of Mother Teresa’s and overly good people whom you have nothing in common with and frankly feel inferior to. 

None of that sounded appealing to me.

I didn’t get how having a relationship with Jesus could in any way make my life better.

I realize that sounds selfish, but come on, we only get one chance to live, and I wanted to LIVE.

As I tumbled towards rock bottom, I began to realize that if I continued to do things my way I wasn’t going to live life at all.  In fact, I was a short step away from ending things just to avoid my pain.

My world crumbled around me, and I tried to grasp at anything that would help me find peace in the chaos.  There was nothing. 

That’s when everything changed.

As long as I live, I’ll never forget that moment.  I was crying on the floor, at my wits end, ready to quit…and for some reason, I decided to try one more thing.  “God?” I asked – partially unsure if He was even interested in listening to me… “I’m done. I don’t care what you do, or how you do it, just get me out. Please.  Help me.”

It wasn’t more than a whisper, but my whole heart went into that prayer.

While I had no idea what was going to happen, for the first time in a long time my heart felt a brief moment of peace.

10 minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and my life would change forever.

Out of no where, I had the opportunity to get the help and support that I needed.

It was instant.

That moment was almost 6 years ago. 

The last 6 years of my life have been a whirl wind.  There has been a lot of healing, forgiveness, growth, pain, failure, success, laughter, tears, and surrender.

Most of all, I’ve learned who I am, and that I am loved and valued.  Not because of a guy, or human commitment.  But because I have a God who loved me enough to provide a way for me to have a relationship with Him.

I realize that in some ways, to many people, that still sounds abstract.  I get it.

Before that moment 6 years ago, I didn’t know if God was REALLY interested in my life at all.

He is.

And He is deeply interested in yours too.

As I turned my heart over to the Lord, He showed me that I could heal, trust, love, hope, dream, and live LIFE more abundantly than I ever imagined.

If you take anything away from this blog, I hope it’s this: God is ACTIVE.  He is actively trying to show you how valuable you are to Him, how loved you are, how wanted you are, how incredible and amazing you are.  He isn’t trying to ruin your life or control you – in fact – He is trying to BLESS you.

If you take anything away from this blog, I hope it’s this: God is ACTIVE.  He is actively trying to show you how valuable you are to Him, how loved you are, how wanted you are, how incredible and amazing you are.  He isn’t trying to ruin your life or control you – in fact – He is trying to BLESS you.

What I used to see as a bunch of boring rules designed to keep me from having fun, I began to see as tools to bring light, life, and abundance to my relationships, work, and future.

I mean really.  If we all showed love, grace, forgiveness, honesty, humility, and integrity to each other we wouldn’t have the problems here on earth that we do.  If we all truly loved people more than ourselves we wouldn’t have homeless people, starving children, or women being raped and sold into sex slavery. 

We wouldn’t compare ourselves to other people on social media, or feel the need to portray our lives as perfect when they aren’t.  We wouldn’t fight over Red Christmas cups – or treat those different than us like they don’t matter.

We would love people where they are at.  For who they are.  And remind them everyday that they have value and a purpose.

While I have learned a lot of things over the past 6 years, the greatest is this.  God is real, and if you ask Him to help you, He will.

That doesn’t mean that He will make everything perfect.  He didn’t restore my marriage, or answer my millions of prayers to have that relationship work.

But He DID help me in a much bigger way.  He helped me heal, He rescued me, He gave me hope, He gave me joy, He gave me a purpose, and so much more. 

That’s the difference between seeing the big picture vs. the pain of today. 

6 years ago I couldn’t see past my pain – but God could.  He could see the bigger plan.  And He knew exactly what I needed, and exactly what He could provide in my life that would bless me, and those around me.

He gave me something better. My identity in Him.  And now, 6 years later I’ve even found the man that HE has created for me. 

All that to say, if you’ve never experienced God, you can.

All you have to do is ask.

All you have to do is ask.

The amazing thing is whether it’s a physical rescue, or an emotional rescue, His presence and ability to become our champion is instant.

Don’t look for your circumstances to change immediately – although for some of you (like they did for me) they might.  Instead, let Him bring peace to your heart, direction to your steps, healing to your wounds, and blessing upon blessing to your life.

If you aren’t sure where to start, start with a whisper.  It can change your life.

You are LOVED.  You are VALUABLE. You are BEAUTIFUL.  You are WANTED.  You are BELOVED.

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by Kari Trent Stageberg

I love Jesus, my family, helping nonprofits, sunshine, football, YoungLife, sushi, my friends, Blue Bell ice cream, traveling, Fall, and life’s amazing adventures.  

I would LOVE to hear your story, and feature you on the blog! To share your story, please contact me at kstageberg@strongfamilies.com